Don't F*** With a Pregnant Woman

Pregnant women are usually given a lot more allowances– to be escorted to the front of a toilet line, to eat savagely in public, and to behave like a raving lunatic. I’m not sure it it’s the hormones, an instinctual reaction, or a subconscious decision for pregnant women to become more aggressive and demanding. Maybe it’s all those little discomforts of pregnancy that wear away your stamina and trigger that alpha attitude. A stone solid will not to loose an argument at any cost and a complete lack of tolerance for the intrusions and rudeness of others usually characterize this attitude. I can remember thinking, during my pregnancies, that if you didn’t have throbbing ankles, a painful herniated navel, headaches, heartburn and hemorrhoids, than you’d better not give me any shit!

Once, at eight months, I stood in a long line to return a broken clock. My sciatic nerve was killing me and I had to keep shifting my lumbering weight in order not to be overwhelmed by the pain. A woman, behind me in line, muttered something about her precious time and hustled herself towards the return counter. I stepped out, blocked her path, held her gaze and said, “Don’t you fucking dare.” Normally, I might have protested in a nicer tone, or maybe even let it go. I have to admit, at the time, playing the role of the evil pregnant witch felt damn good. This privilege is truly one of the plusses of pregnancy.