Bring on the Labor!

When you’re overdue and busting at the seams, you might try anything to bring on active labor. Here are a few techniques that may or may not work for you, but hey, when you’re desperate, it might be worth a shot.

Castor Oil: I’ve heard it can bring on contractions that may lead to labor, but I’ve never been able to stomach the stuff. If your melon is more than ripe and you can manage to get it down without puking, go for it. But, before you down that nasty liquid, here’s some more info.

Raspberry Leaf Tea: Never tried it, but I’ve heard of women using it to bring on contractions. Most of the info out there says that the tea is primarily used to strengthen the uterus, by causing contractions, instead of brining on labor. Hmmm.

Rigorous Walks: Although it did help speed up “real contractions” once I was in labor, it didn’t do more than bring on many bouts of Braxton Hicks contractions that just fizzled out with both of my pregnancies.

Jumping Jacks: Uncomfortable, yes, but bouncing your baby on the cervix just may coax it into opening up. Don’t forget to wear a sports bra though. You don’t want to get black eyes.

Speaking of bouncing breasts, how about trying…

Nipple Stimulation: It’s been proven to bring on contractions. Now, if these “contractions” progress into real labor… that’s another story. I tried this technique many times but didn’t accomplish more than giving the lawn mower man a freak show. Doing it myself didn’t bring on any contractions. For me, it’s more exciting to have someone else do it. “Honey, can you come home from work now to stimulate my nipples?”

And, Honey, while you’re at it, how about trying some mercy sex?

Intercourse: With this method, there are a couple of factors that could contribute to real contractions and labor. First, anything bashing the cervix may help dilation. I wouldn’t suggest using any unusual foreign objects though. You don’t want to hurt yourself. Just a penis or a dildo should suffice. Second, orgasms can bring on contractions. And lastly, a sperm deposit–directly on the cervix–may help soften it and make you dilate.

If you can get a man, husband or otherwise, to have sex with you when you’re extremely pregnant, he’ll have to do all the work. And, if you get anywhere near as large and uncomfortable as I did with my first pregnancy, you’ll find that all you can do is lay there and graciously accept your, ahem, mercy fuck.