Top Ten Fears During Pregnancy
As most of you already know, pregnancy can be a very stressful time. It’s the hormones; it’s the fear of a changing lifestyle; it’s the worries about the baby; and it’s the fear of the actual delivery. OMG! My vagina has to stretch to the size of a ripe honeydew melon! I haven’t ever had anything bigger than a kielbasa in there… unless you count that basketball player in college. Oh, but we digress…
When I was pregnant the first time, this was my top ten list. What are (or were) your top ten fears, worries or concerns? I’d like to compile a collective top ten from as many pregnant (or formerly pregnant) women as possible. Then we can jointly tackle each item together.
10. Will pregnancy ruin my cute and perky boobs?
9. Can I manage a career and motherhood?
8. Will having a baby end my social life?
7. Will I still be attractive after motherhood?
6. Will I be a bad mother?
5. What if the baby has birth defects?
4. What if I lost the baby?
3. What if my hemorrhoids exploded during delivery?
2. What if I pooped on the delivery table?
1. How much was the delivery really going to HURT!?
posted by Stacy at 4:47 PM
19 Comments:
Some of my fears:
1- How is my current friendship with childless couples or single friends going to change?
2- Freaking out about brain damage to my child at childbirth (based on personal history)
3- Fear of not being able to control the pain during delivery
4- Fear of post-partum depression (depression runs in my family, and although I don't have it, it could suddenly be triggered after the birth.)
Stacy, I could have written your list for myself. My cute and perky boobs! HA!
I think you've covered my list, but also on there is worries about my husband, like will he never pay attention to me again? Will he never pamper me again? ; ) And how will our relationship change? Will I be able to be organized enough to manage both baby and myself?
you pretty much covered my big worries too, except somewhere in mine there was an entire essay question: I can't stand most new mothers, but now I'm going to BE one. How do I stand myself, and how the frak can I be a social human being again when there's no one but new moms that want to hang out with me? (gasp)
I am SO antisocial.
I, too, was so scared about joining the ranks of new mothers with their "goo, goo, gaaah, gaaah, cutiesy wootsie" language. How could I possibly fit in?
10. Will pregnancy ruin my cute and perky boobs?
Yes, mine are long gone! lol
9. Can I manage a career and motherhood?
Yes, it can be done. It isn't easy, but nothing in life will ever be again. lol
8. Will having a baby end my social life?
I don't think it has to. It just changes a bit and maybe you can't go out as much as you used to..
7. Will I still be attractive after motherhood?
I feel more attractive now actually. Except for the saggier boobs. lol
6. Will I be a bad mother?
Eeek - something I still feel like sometimes. We're often too hard on ourselves.
5. What if the baby has birth defects?
I feared this too, but thankfully I've been blessed with two healthy babies.
4. What if I lost the baby?
I feared this also...I cant imagine the pain.
3. What if my hemorrhoids exploded during delivery?
Oh boy - I didnt have any with my first, but during delivery I got them. Now I'm worried about this fear for this delivery coming up.
2. What if I pooped on the delivery table?
LOL I never even heard of this before I got pregnant. I couldn't believe this could possibly be a side effect of pushing out a baby.
1. How much was the delivery really going to HURT!?
No eppy (it didnt work) and a huge baby...it hurt. LOL But it really was all worth it.
1. That he would not be born alive.
2. That I could get a watermelon through something the circumference of a grape.
3. That I wouldn't get my body back.
4. That I wouldn't get my life back.
5. That my husband would leave me to do it alone.
6. That I wouldn't be able to handle it all, babys' needs, my needs.
7. That I couldn't breast feed.
8. That baby wouldn't love me.
9. That labor would somehow destroy my body from the inside out.
10. That the labor would somehow destroy babys' body from the outside in.
Ooooh, Trish's questions are GOOD.
They almost make me panic NOW, and I've already had my baby.
What if I don't recover well?
Will I be able to afford everything?
Will my husband be an involved dad?
Not in any order...
- Will having a baby end my social life, especially my life with single and/or childless friends?
- Will I be a bad mother?
- What if the baby has birth defects?
- What if I loose the baby? What if something is wrong with the baby?
- Can I manage a career and motherhood? OR, Can we afford for me to be a SAHM without worrying too much about money?
- Am I sure I don't want someone (close friend) besides my husband in the delivery room?
- Will I end up with a C-section after a long and strenuous labor (like my own mother)?
- Will my husband and I still be able to make/take time for each other?
- Will my sex drive EVER come back (yup, at 20 weeks now and it's still MIA).
-
number 2, 4 and 5 were my biggies. Also, what happens when my mom leaves and my husband and I are left alone with the first baby either of us has ever held?
10. Will I get stretch marks
9. will being pregnant hurt?
8. will I be able to handle a baby?
7. will I get fat, even after the birth?
6. what if the baby's sick?
5. what if my water breaks in public?
4. what if I go into labor someplace by myself?
3. can I handle labor?
2. what if I die during birth?
1. what if the baby dies?
PS Sadly, I never had perky boobs. I was hoping pregnancy/nursing would give me some!
1. One is hard enough. How am I going to handle TWO, along with two older girls?
2. What if they start in with the Pitocin pressure talk, like they did last time? I really don't want Pitocin, but gah, they were on me every hour about it the last time and eventually, I gave in.
3. I definitely wasn't myself after the first one, but I didn't realize it until much later. What if I get that way again?
4. What if the weight doesn't come off?
5. What if the baby's a crier or a screamer or a non-sleeper? My first was so good, I'm afraid I'm jinxed.
Here's a few fears for post partum parents:
1) Will I ever get a decent night's sleep again?
2) What if I accidently leave my newborn somewhere?
3) The hospital actually entrusted us to raise this tiny baby? Are they out of their minds?
How do we keep it alive?
10 was a big one for me too. The answer is yes. But...eh. What can you do.
I was terrified of breastfeeding myself. And lack of sleep. I got through both, somehow.
The BIG #1 for me - Will my vagina be ruined after birth? From what I've read on the web, it sounds like it may/may not (everyone's body is different). That scares the s*%# out of me.
#2 - My husband is so ready to have a baby and is so excited for that special time to begin. However, he thinks our lives aren't going to change at all after a baby is born. Is he REALLY ready for a baby?
#3 - "...[The] Madonna Complex: when a man watches the baby comes out of his wife’s vagina he has a hard time seeing said vagina as a sexual object, instead viewing it more like a mommy tool or portal (and not a sexy portal either)." As stated in the link (no I am not the writer) http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/2009/01/26/4-Ways-Birth-and-Breastfeeding-Will-Ruin-Sex.aspx But I guess this also ties in to big fear #1 for me.
I am so glad I found this blog, it makes me feel less crazy and less selfish for being terrified of getting pregnant, giving birth and raising kids. I am 29 and have been married for 2 1/2 years. My husband wants kids and has made it no secret that adoption or a surrogate mother are just not an option (i have tried to compromise on this subject with no success).I am terrified of ruining my body and social life, I am terrified of the pain, losing my friends and not working, not having fun, not being pretty, my husband not being very helpful with a baby or attracted to me anymore, and I absolutely do not want to become or have to hang out with 'moms'. Moms and pregnant people absolutely drive me nuts!! (I certainly don't mean to offend anyone here by any means, so if I have offended anyone please realize I obviously have issues). My husband is further pushed into wanting kids ASAP because his best friend (a very nice girl who he has known for years) and her husband just had a baby (she tells him that i will "come around"), and his sister is pregnant with her second. Let's not forget to mention that my father and brother, despite me asking the repeatedly to leave the subject alone, push my husband to push me to want to have . I know I am rambling and I don't mean to. This is just an incredibly stressful subject for me, and even though I have been honest with my husband from the day we met about how I feel about kids, I have the feeling this could either destroy us or I will have to give in and it will destroy me.
Kids are something you should both be in agreement on. There is nothing wrong with being anxious about the big decisions in life so don't pressure yourself into feeling as though you need to go with the trend of your family and friends. Kids are very precious and I can honestly say only 3 weeks off giving birth that I feared and do fear all the same, silly things like stretch marks, weight gain, breast feeding etc but my biggest fear for motherhood is my child's future and sometimes what can feel like a rotten world to bring kids into. I don't blame any woman for feeling apprehensive but I do think that for all the beautiful women out there desperately wanting to have babies but struggling, it's a blessing we can have them. You take your time and give yourself the grace to think and feel whatever. God knows your needs and all your fears too so leave them in His hands x
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