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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Kicking and Screaming

As I’ve previously mentioned, my plan was to retire my graphic design career, give up my office in town and concentrate more on my writing… from home. OK. Seriously now… what the f*** was I thinking? I’ve always been a working mom with an office to go to–my own space away from home–forever.

Yesterday, I started making plans for setting up my home office. I’ve got to be out of this space at the end of the month. I called the utility companies and notified them when to end service; I contacted the phone and Internet providers and set up the transfer of services; and I notified my bank and credit card companies of the change of address. I also measured the room and my existing office furniture and made a “to scale” drawing so that I could figure out where everything was going to go. Why do I feel like a rat trapped in a barrel? I kept wondering.

This room at my house has no closet space for my tons of office supplies. I thought I’d put in bookshelves on either side of the room, with cabinets below and then repaint the room (now the walls are cranberry red- too depressing to look at all day.) I mentioned my plans to my husband, trying to find the cheer in my voice. It will be OK. I’ll like this space once I get it set up the way I want. So, I won’t see anyone all day long; I’ll go back to my crappy running route on the narrow, highly trafficked roads by my house; the kids will constantly be interrupting me; the husband will keep asking me to just do this little thing in the house, because I’m “there” after all; and my sometime babysitter will find excuses to be late and leave early. But, I’ll have this sweet, little space, set up just the way I want it and it will be OK.

“You can’t put in bookshelves and paint the walls,” my husband said, “that’s going to cost us money.”

You can’t tell me what to do. This is my space. My space! MY SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!! I wanted to scream. He thought I should just move into the room, the way it is and see how I liked it. I knew how I was going to like it. I was NOT going to like it. I can visualize– I went to art school ya know.

We got the kids off to school and both went to work with steam blowing out our ears. This clearly was not going to work. Call me a whimp. Call me spoiled. I am just not ready to give up my space. I cannot do it. I will not do it. As of today, I’ve decided to downsize– get a smaller, more affordable space and do enough of the design business to cover the expenses. I can do it. I have to do it.

6 Comments:

Blogger IzzyMom said...

If you already know you aren't going to like, there's no sense in pursuing it. I'm with you. get the space and do your thing.

Personally, design is the only creative outlet I've had since my kids came along. I need that.

1:32 PM  
Blogger DD said...

I'm confused. How can your husband say that painting a room and adding shelving, even if really nice shelving, is going to cost more than keeping an office outside of the house with a lease and utilities and operating expenses.

Even if you did like the color of the room, making the change before you move in turns it from "another room in the house" to your "office".

But you know that already. Why am I trying to convince you. Where's your husband. He needs a thump.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous bb said...

i've been working at home for the last 5 years with my 5 year old -- get an office!

7:59 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Aw man. That's tough. I hope you can work it all out. I'd give anything for an office away from home! Or even an office in my home! My "office" is my MacBook in whichever room the baby's in... Right now, I'm at the kitchen table and she's eating cereal.

Good luck!

10:47 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

I sometimes wish I could tell my boss to forward all calls from my office to my home, and let me work from home. I would be happier there...and I would totally want new paint and shelves. DD said it best- it goes from being "another room" to "YOUR office".

11:14 AM  
Blogger Demeter said...

I can relate to that. Since working from home I realize all the things that one takes for granted when working outside and in contact with other people, so perhaps your little "you" is telling you something that you must listen to. However if you decide to work from home, lock your door, and before you do it, paint the room to your satisfaction and pleasure, it is very important to work in a pleasant environment. It is important for the spirit and the soul!

12:36 PM  

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