Kicking and Screaming
Yesterday, I started making plans for setting up my home office. I’ve got to be out of this space at the end of the month. I called the utility companies and notified them when to end service; I contacted the phone and Internet providers and set up the transfer of services; and I notified my bank and credit card companies of the change of address. I also measured the room and my existing office furniture and made a “to scale” drawing so that I could figure out where everything was going to go. Why do I feel like a rat trapped in a barrel? I kept wondering.
This room at my house has no closet space for my tons of office supplies. I thought I’d put in bookshelves on either side of the room, with cabinets below and then repaint the room (now the walls are cranberry red- too depressing to look at all day.) I mentioned my plans to my husband, trying to find the cheer in my voice. It will be OK. I’ll like this space once I get it set up the way I want. So, I won’t see anyone all day long; I’ll go back to my crappy running route on the narrow, highly trafficked roads by my house; the kids will constantly be interrupting me; the husband will keep asking me to just do this little thing in the house, because I’m “there” after all; and my sometime babysitter will find excuses to be late and leave early. But, I’ll have this sweet, little space, set up just the way I want it and it will be OK.
“You can’t put in bookshelves and paint the walls,” my husband said, “that’s going to cost us money.”
You can’t tell me what to do. This is my space. My space! MY SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!! I wanted to scream. He thought I should just move into the room, the way it is and see how I liked it. I knew how I was going to like it. I was NOT going to like it. I can visualize– I went to art school ya know.
We got the kids off to school and both went to work with steam blowing out our ears. This clearly was not going to work. Call me a whimp. Call me spoiled. I am just not ready to give up my space. I cannot do it. I will not do it. As of today, I’ve decided to downsize– get a smaller, more affordable space and do enough of the design business to cover the expenses. I can do it. I have to do it.